stupid days, where have you gone to ?

should i throw away the memories of the ole times, when i was still young and much naive than i am today. i tried to act like nothing has changed in my life after we are not friends, i tried so hard. but the truth is the harder i tried the greater i miss the days of spending my time with you. i don't know why but friends are so important to me especially those who are very close. those who would call me all night, cheering me up after a fight, making me laugh all the time, making me feel like i'm a part of something undescribable; something i myself couldn't explain but it was fun being friends with you. you were like a brother to me and i'm sorry for what i've done for what is done is done. where ever you are i'm telling you one once again that i'm truly sorry, old friend also brother :)

Working on a SUPER PROJECT

Proud to announce, this is my first post via iPad, it is fun telling the world the insignificant matter of my life. Okay, I a week has passed, enormous amount of undone homework to be done. In my new school, not finishing homework is an awful turn down the lane of getting berated by teachers of many different shapes and sizes. Some teachers would throw some of my classmates out of class, some would get caned, some would get slapped and the most merciful of all punishments is getting shout at. As for the worst, is the silent treatment, where the student is ignored fully by the teacher. Many have told me that in learning, the most crucial of all matters involving studying is to respect the teacher. Despite, who or what the teacher is, whether the person is a man or a woman, short or thin, or not a person at all- a book maybe.

Okay, back to the main topic here, I'm working on a Magazine Making Competition by The Star Newspaper, the topic that I am including into the magazine is the rules to a happier life, tips on searching for friends, et cetera. The problem is right now all of the topic, after countless evaluation, I consider as hackneyed, jejune and boring. I want to create my own topic that holds a value of it's own, estatical value. My mother always stress on the estatical value of a somewhat matter, especially gifts. She says that gifts are symbols of remembrance, so no matter how small or how dearly priced a gift could be, the things that matter are from whom and for what reason. I received a prize not so great and not so exciting, a 10 ringgit note for my PMR exam which I received straight A's. It wasn't a lot, but because it was from my grandmother I valued the money so much that I tried but somehow couldn't spend the money for almost two weeks or so, which is until I betrayed my diet and ordered McDonald's through the phone line. What's left of the money is a balance of a 20 sen shilling. But despite that, I accepted the money without any complaints.

Ah, yes, any one out there want to contribute their ideas to me, please comment, MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

misunderstandings

people are different, so other people expect different things from us. multiple personalities is good, but its best to stick with one unique personality. i should have thought about that 6 months ago, before everything went bad. i sometimes feel that friendship bonds are like one-night-stand dates where when we are hitting rock bottom, it technically is in the best possible way. i had so-called best friends before but the bond only lasted for at most 3 years. then, never to be spoken of ever. some friendship, just dies off, like the waves washing writings on sand or rain washing off paints of buildings, making them dull and ugly.

new friends create very vague predictions of the future, wondering if this typical person is my next best friend. the cycle never stops, and i hate it from even continuing to cycle. maybe that's the way the world turns, every day a new unexpected exposure, never did it ever cross the mind that some things are to happen, but it does. the beauty of life, no one knows what is going to happen them. its an adventure which beats every fiction adventure books ever written- life's adventure. never stop, keep on going, those are the only things that i learnt from watching ugly betty and desperate housewives, words of hope. somewhere out there, lurking, is our future and we are getting closer to it every day, so brace yourselves people. :)

newest post for the time being

sitting down drinking coffee from a free mug obtained from buying a colgate pack in front of the computer or the tv or while reading percy jackson seems to be the ideal holiday but that's never going to happen. every year its the same, but with a different twist. i'm spending my time with a pair of matching, mosterous couple who i think are made for each other. right now, i am absolutely devastated with a few pinches of anger and insanity. yeah, that's it. i am angry. i am sick of people's hypocrytical judgements and baseless accusations. i've been patient for almost a year of being removed, being looked down at, being the one at fault and being the one who has to lower his standards. i am sick of it, SICK OF IT !!

usually, i would not be online right now, it's almost school holiday. i would usually plan my holidays right now- ironically, planning about reading old books stashed in the store room, how to obtain fast cash which usually ends up with me asking my mum for cash, although, days spent babbling about getting jobs. but now i'm worried about insignificant stuffs which are currently ruining every relationship i have with any one, that's how devastating the story is. but i guess that's how life works, sometimes you get the glory, sometimes you are alone and not cared. you can't get every thing in life, so make the best of what is given. happy day ~

LIFE

as i was eating rancid nestle honey star in my room, without even bothering the slight difference in taste and texture and also the conspiracy that the cereal may constitute with my stomach, i played my wrecthed game of tekken 6 oblivious to the dull surroundings of an ordinary sunday morning. as i skimmed the room after waking up at four due to the perpetual clank caused by the cranky national ceiling fan which was covered whole with thick dust which was not dusted off since our maid had fled off some months ago. our home which was painted in an eccentric, arousing but lacking in sense of beauty orange lost its cheerfulness. i, on the other hand, contributed more on the destruction of the house. the 4 a.m wake was welcomed by the half grin of the fading half of the 'p' of the psp. the contraption was first held with hands at year 2007. how unnoticeable and slow time sheds the skins of life.

my blog seems dull recently, thinking about ideas of what to write about is a struggle. typing the black keys painted white with figures of alphabets, numbers and punctuations is awfully tedious. my brain is currently functions slowly maybe due to either the drinking of water with ants floating and bloated or the eating of fish eggs. both superstitious belief of the malays which relates to the cause of stupidity. when i was young, maybe between the age of 5 or 6 always had belive in all these nonsensical belief which pointed one's stupidity on fish eggs and ants.

i have just finished this book written by khaled hosseini which tells a tale of two afghan women from different backgrounds. yet, both shared the same pain, together they endured their daily life win war. war constituted by government and also by the man whom they together shared, rasheed. though they shared the same husband, they became friends and mariam became a mother to laila who is half her age. rasheed was killed in the end by mariam, when rasheed was trying to strangle laila to death. the fiasco ended with mariam beheaded and laila ran to a remote area far from people with his new husband, tariq and her children in the outskirts of pakistan. laila bemoaned mariam's death and visited mariam's birthplace in a removed place in herat where she had live her childhood. the house where she stayed was made of straws and sun-dried mud. she imagined laila sitting by the stream near the home, where she cut trout with one stroke and putting her legs in the cold water of the stream by her home, the kolba.

the book that i read is one of the few books that i finished reading. which gives a great meaning and a brief comment on the outline of the book. till next time. :)

the mentos law

the day before this day, i went to this twenty-four-hours convenience store at silibin where at that time i bought a bar of mentos. but the classic fruity mentos was no more, there was only this new improved mentos with jelly inside which cost two ringgits and forty sens double the price of the classic mentos which is only one-twenty. i thought to myself, why would they change something as good as mentos. as my eyes were twitching, a sudden thought struck my insignificant head. i thought of how eccentric it is on how life's work- just like mentos. life changes and so does every thing around you, for better or for worse. as for the changes in the mentos, it is for the better.

as for me, i am starting anew, forgetting the loathesome tales of the past, moving on, changing, like mentos.

p/s i should get paid for advertising mentos :P

Contrary to Happy Reality

September, 2010, thought to be one of the unsurpassable moments in life. yet, the dream started off with a bad start already. my existence is unknown- insignificant figure sitting tirelessly in front of the computer screen. my eyes are paining from staring consistently at the computer.

i am starting to pen down all the things i do every day, like a diary, but awfully dull. I am immature, laying still in piles of old memories, like pigs slacking in mud. i do'nt know how to cry so i learnt to laugh. rapturously, i laugh. i'm no different from a person ratarsed from drinking whisky. i love to berate people, that's a part of me. i loathe criticism, yet i love to criticise. thats is what i am, accept it. i do not need to brag or elucidate any nonsense further. happy ?

stupid !

i have been very bored these days, life is not the way it used to be. stupid life.

i only have six people in my followers list. stupid people.

as i'm writing this stupid entry, i'm being stupid myself. pff

'pff' is an error (stupid apathetic expression)

how stupid ? pff.

hello BELOVEDPEOPLE of earth, rapturously saying: YAY!! LIFE DOESN'T GET BETTER THIS. its been a while since i have updated my blog. i have nothing to write, my mind is officially blank. i cannot think that good any more, i blame the new diet i have been taking. damn you cinnamon apple tea diet !! the headline above the terrible writing above this terrible writing was just a stupid way to make a comeback after a long quiet, no blogging period. why does the word blog and the word's derivatives underlined as errors. stupid word and its derivatives.

right now i'm wasting my precious time, which can be used for studying, watching HOWIMETYOURMOTHER reruns. i love watching this show my arm-spread-open-length's much. this is my 9th most favourite show after GLEE, THE KING OF QUEENS, RULES OF ENGAGEMENT, MY WIFE AND KIDS, THE SIMPSONS, PARENTHOOD, MONK and UGLY BETTY. i don't know what the hell i'm writing about ? maybe its because i'm bored.

hello, i have nothing to write about so i'm writing on nonsensical poem

Should I

when I look back

I saw you, the horrid of the past

the repugnance never dies

go, don't come near me

never come near me

I tried to fight you

but I failed

I thought that if I was silent you'd go away

So I tried to be as silent as I could

but silence is the absence of sound

as darkness is the absence of light

to whom

should I release my sadness

on whose shoulder

should I cry on

to whose willingness

should I share the bloody secrets of the past

I prayed to the creator of the universe and its being

the path that he shows are blurry visions of the future

he wants me to move on

but I don't want to move on

I want to repair my past

but the past is the yesterday of tomorrow

and the yesterday of today

everything keeps on moving forward

the only thing that I should and could do

is to repair the present

for a better future.

i am somehow psychologically challenged. :)

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||||||||||||| 82% Schizoid |||||||||||| 46% Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||| 74% Antisocial |||||||||| 38% Borderline |||||||||||||||| 62% Histrionic |||||||||||||||| 66% Narcissistic |||||||||| 34% Avoidant |||||||||||||||| 70% Dependent |||||||||||||||||||| 82% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||| 42%

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i said : give a damn to shitty life ..

While i was enjoying downloading dangerous and hazard-bringing music files into my top, i realised that life doesn't just stop simply but ends in a unique manner. i had almost a quarter-year of exhausting, desperate school life. now, i aim to change it ! everyday, walking into the school compounds through the front gate seems to be quite a hell for me. there is not a day that i can't see a single betrayer leaning against the rusting steel fence that is built along the pavements.

not a day, of not carving a fake smile, not a day of sitting at the higher-standard, popular sides of the canteen where the drinks and food are awfully delectable tasting. i missed eating nasi lemak and roti chanai. accumulating the sweet scent of toothsome chendol in the midst of the morning. never have i in a long time savour on these palatable delicacies. all because of a constant fear of being pushed aside. bored and tired, depressed and disgusted, the repugnance of the past still lingers on my bare skin. i hate almost every person whom i perceive before as my good friends. they are all knaves of the 21st century- liars, hypocrites. Yet, as i said not all of them are scapegraces. there are still a few, maybe right now slowly mutating into atrocious people.

but still, i don't seem to hate them that much. all those crazy, insane hatred towards them subsides in a little while. i sat down and had some times thinking, pondering about how flawed humans are, i thought about myself. i then laid myself to bed, where i stared at the dirty ceilings of my maid's bedroom while listening to leona lewis's better in time. i was captured by the phrase in the melodious lyric of this song- it will all get better in time. i realised that life goes on, and the sun keeps on shining no matter what. so what else could we do, let the sunshine in.

!

This entry was supposed to be posted during the first week of our school break. But due to lack of ideas, i had decided to put it off to another day and today is the day.

While I spend my holidays, I thought about how boring holidays are and there's something missing. And they're my friends. While in school I complained a lot and thought that school was exhausting and boring. But when it's a holiday, I really wished that I was in school. How odd can it get ?

the worst week

first and foremost, i have to say that this week was the most terrible week in the history of all weeks. the thing that i'm very pissed about right now is about my maid, she ran away yesterday. The problem is i have to do all the chores now, ohh, if i get my hands on her. She's ruining my holiday, now i have to wake up 4 hours earlier than i usually do and sleep before ten. how much uglier can it get ?

i also have to feed the rabbits and birds every morning, clean their poops, comb the rabbits fur and that's much it. and today i have to clean the toilet, my brother played with a very very large ammount of tissue and threw it into those minature holes (i don't know what it's called), where used water goes into. and it was clog, plungers don't work in my toilet because the toilet's floor is rather rocky so i have to put my hand in to get those tissues out and you wanna know what i found together with the tissues, a dead roach, that was just disguisting and me holding it- that was afirst time experience. urgghhh.

the second crux that had me pissed up are terrible drivers. can't they see that there are other people using the road too. both of my cars, were severely scratched and it was rather a groove than a scratch. the first accident was when my mother and i was at medan istana, we were buying mee kari for lunch at this shop (Restoran Terkini)- they sell good mee kari here. all went well until some coolies in a van ran into my dad's car, newly bought pajero sport. and the back was slightly dented and scracthed, well my mother is kinda aggresive , she went out of the car and start scolding those guys. she started to get mad and ask those guys for their number and tried to call the number that the guy had gave her. and that guy was lying, he gave another person's number and my mother was really pissed about it. but what to do, it has happened. lolx but the thing that i really don't understand was why didn't they just said sorry. that would softened my mother up, and she might not had resorted to shout in public, that made me really embarrased.

the-happened-today-thing, when i was in manjoi buying eggs this morning, a motorist grooved my other car, the estima and the motorist just ranaway like that without saying sorry. didn't their parents teach to take responsibility for the things they did. he was a very bad person and was not fit to be a motorist, which silly department approved of his liscense. in my opinion, the government should approve a person's motoring liscence not only based on their ability to drive but also based on their manerism. lmao

the end, and right now i am really hoping that thing don't turn up even more terrible. that would just turn me completely out of my wits. haiz =.="

The Imperfect Holiday Reality

I really wanted a lazy holiday this year. i've been working my shit out during my school days. can't a guy have some time on his own. but that idea is merely a fanstasy, never gonna be a reality. i mean NEVER.

My family have a way to not let their children's holidays go to waste, they force me to read books that i have never even heard of. Anne of Green Gable ? Books meant for old people. The Scarlet Letter ? These are the types of books my mother favours. She loves reading these types of books which i totally 'deny access to'.

My father's idea of not letting my holidays go to waste. bring me to his goat farm, and tell thousands to millions stories about improving his 'goat business'. It's not that I don't care, which I would, because that business is literally my livelihood , but I don't want to hear about those stories, I'm not addicted to

smelly goats.

My grandmother's idea of not letting my holidays go to waste, even more shocking. She wanted me to stay at her house which is my hometown for almost the whole school break which is until the 19th December. LOL

what can i actually do there ? =.="

Yet despite all these things, i still love my family. but i still demand a lazy holiday. my home is my pig-out spot. :)

My First On-The-Phone Entry

Firstly, i'm using my phone to blog because i'm bored. Secondly, i'm bored because i'm stuck at my grandmother's house- located in a very traditional village. Not much of a modern kid's paradise. Well, there is nothing to do other than hitting mosquitos that are trying to suck out your blood. *sigh im glad that tomorrow im heading home. Höorayy. Till next time. Byye.

the boring life of mine ~

i really appreciate life, and hoped to live until 103. but i don't really think i can get that far as i can't stand living the way i am right now. really, i really love living my life, but the thing is i can't stand living under the same roof with my parents and siblings. why did i ever disagree to my parents idea of sending me to boarding school, i had the chance and i actually ruined my only chance of escaping this insanity.

the reasons why i hate living with them are numbering from ten to thousands and i'm not gonna list it all here. that would be very boring. its not that i don't appreciate what they had done for me, but they are overdoing it. i hate being caged, that's all. i don't want to be free all the time, i want to be cared of too. the thing is i just want the freedom to make a choice of my own. for instace, if wether i want to follow them for an outing or not, wether i want to eat or not, wether i want to follow for prayers at the mosque or anything.

and about tomorrow, i don't mean to be not supportive but i have my own life, i'm growing up people so let it be. i know that my sister is sitting for spm, that doesn't mean that i need to go with them to see her. i never did believe in 'family togetherness'. there's a such thing as being too close but i prefer being just close with my family.

it's just too much, i don't know what to think about, when what surrounds me is just pressure. i feel like life is not worth living when we can't get to make our own choice, as being controlled is just as good as being made from wood and tied with strings. i'm dead and yet i'm still breathing.

happy birthday guys

happy 14th birthday guys. on the 17th of october, three of my friends share the same birthdate. and they're firdaus, edzuan and kechik. sorry for wishing a bit late. happy belated 14th birthay ? i guess. i pray for your health and future life especially.

life filled with regrets.

the things that i regret doing during my school days of 2009.

1. making the wrong choice of friends
2. neglected my studies, putting my minor problems in front of me
3. making a fool out of myself by holding anykinds of useless activities
4. literally broke my teachers feelings without thinking any further
5. played hookie which means commiting truancy
6. had a fought without concerning the result that i'll eventually received
7. had terrible results in all of my major and minor exams compared to the previous year
8. never completed any of my schoolworks
9. ....
10. made my old friends hate me

there's much more regrets that's not stated here. but all that matters is that i won't keep repeating it.

dear teacher

dear english teacher of mine whose name i keep classified,

our relantionship never had been so swell since the very start. i characterised you as a pain in the neck. i carved a list of the people i hate in my mind and honestly your not in it. that actually means that i never really hated you, maybe because ... i don't really want to say this. it might offend those close to me. but overall the blame is on me. i can't pass the buck to anyone else.

our relantionship never had been so swell since the start. now that it has come to an end and maybe and if maybe we would like the end to start anew- a beautiful one. we've been a terrible student and you might have been a terrible tutor but those terrible times might have been our terrible fault. we're not ill victims of yours, but we're actually the misunderstood pupils from an alienated region. we don't know what's good or bad. we misunderstood you, for you had been guiding us.

all the best in life ~

empty ~

life's pressure. pressing me flat.

to ponder, to think

about my miserable life

how'd it come this way ?

what had i ever done ?

how can i make it right ?

what if..

i'm stuck this way ?

burning my skin,

the flesh burnt to black

please relief me of this dismay.