Friday, November 20, 2009

the boring life of mine ~

i really appreciate life, and hoped to live until 103. but i don't really think i can get that far as i can't stand living the way i am right now. really, i really love living my life, but the thing is i can't stand living under the same roof with my parents and siblings. why did i ever disagree to my parents idea of sending me to boarding school, i had the chance and i actually ruined my only chance of escaping this insanity.
the reasons why i hate living with them are numbering from ten to thousands and i'm not gonna list it all here. that would be very boring. its not that i don't appreciate what they had done for me, but they are overdoing it. i hate being caged, that's all. i don't want to be free all the time, i want to be cared of too. the thing is i just want the freedom to make a choice of my own. for instace, if wether i want to follow them for an outing or not, wether i want to eat or not, wether i want to follow for prayers at the mosque or anything.
and about tomorrow, i don't mean to be not supportive but i have my own life, i'm growing up people so let it be. i know that my sister is sitting for spm, that doesn't mean that i need to go with them to see her. i never did believe in 'family togetherness'. there's a such thing as being too close but i prefer being just close with my family.
it's just too much, i don't know what to think about, when what surrounds me is just pressure. i feel like life is not worth living when we can't get to make our own choice, as being controlled is just as good as being made from wood and tied with strings. i'm dead and yet i'm still breathing.