Thursday, May 27, 2010

i said : give a damn to shitty life ..

While i was enjoying downloading dangerous and hazard-bringing music files into my top, i realised that life doesn't just stop simply but ends in a unique manner. i had almost a quarter-year of exhausting, desperate school life. now, i aim to change it ! everyday, walking into the school compounds through the front gate seems to be quite a hell for me. there is not a day that i can't see a single betrayer leaning against the rusting steel fence that is built along the pavements.

not a day, of not carving a fake smile, not a day of sitting at the higher-standard, popular sides of the canteen where the drinks and food are awfully delectable tasting. i missed eating nasi lemak and roti chanai. accumulating the sweet scent of toothsome chendol in the midst of the morning. never have i in a long time savour on these palatable delicacies. all because of a constant fear of being pushed aside. bored and tired, depressed and disgusted, the repugnance of the past still lingers on my bare skin. i hate almost every person whom i perceive before as my good friends. they are all knaves of the 21st century- liars, hypocrites. Yet, as i said not all of them are scapegraces. there are still a few, maybe right now slowly mutating into atrocious people.

but still, i don't seem to hate them that much. all those crazy, insane hatred towards them subsides in a little while. i sat down and had some times thinking, pondering about how flawed humans are, i thought about myself. i then laid myself to bed, where i stared at the dirty ceilings of my maid's bedroom while listening to leona lewis's better in time. i was captured by the phrase in the melodious lyric of this song- it will all get better in time. i realised that life goes on, and the sun keeps on shining no matter what. so what else could we do, let the sunshine in.